Aj wouldn’t or couldn’t stop touching me. Whenever no one was around he would fondle my breasts or try to slip his hands under my dress. I begged him to stop; he begged me to take off my panties. He teased me and ‘blackmailed’ me. “mom, if you love me you would do anything for me. There’s nothing you can’t ask me to do; if you said i should lick you in the middle of the living room, i’d do it. And you wouldn’t do this little thing for me?”He was playing but the truth is there is nothing he could ask that i wouldn’t do and i want to spend forever proving it. This was silly but i took off my panties. At one point we were in the kitchen and he stood behind me and put his finger in me. I got so nervous and turned on that i told him to follow me to supply room. I spread five or six blankets on the floor. I took my dress and bra off. I was on my knees when he came in. “come to me my beautiful boy” i said.I unbuckled him and undid him. I wanted to do all the things i never wanted to do with. She didn’t know why, but Emma didn’t wish to be found at home just yet. She felt to be an intruder. Running swiftly to the top of the darkened staircase in her bare feet, she leaned over the banister, straining her ears. The front door opened, some urgent whispers before her mother’s rippling laugh called out a welcome to more people tumbling from the cars arriving in the drive. Lots of laughter as several people stumbled into the hall. They took off hats and coats, handing over bottles of beer and wine. The whiff of cool air and cigar smoke reached Emma on the landing. From the refuge of her bedroom, Emma had often listened to the sound of the parties below. Laughter and songs as doors opened and closed. Her bedroom was at the end of the upper landing, just beyond the bathroom. She usually drifted off to sleep without difficulty. But, that night, the image of her mother being kissed, her breast fondled by a stranger, kept her mind in a whirl. She was still trying to work it all out.
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